


Merlin Versus Quarantine

by coconutknightshade



Series: The Gay and Wondrous Life of Merlin and Arthur [3]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: (later on), Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Covid-19 Related, Established Relationship, Everybody is a little shit, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Gen, Humor, Light Angst, M/M, Quarantine, chaos complete chaos, i'll add tags as i go
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-24
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:22:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23286976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coconutknightshade/pseuds/coconutknightshade
Summary: Merlin isn't quite 50 Shades of Done with Quarantine, but he and Arthur do have dry-erase "Day's Since Last Meltdown" boards mounted in the kitchen.--- Can Be Read Alone ---Chapter One: Alexa, Play DespacitoChapter Two: Tik Tok for Your Mortal SoulChapter Three: Melancholy, For She Has Found YouChapter Four: Gertrude
Relationships: Leon/Morgana (Merlin), Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Series: The Gay and Wondrous Life of Merlin and Arthur [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1674748
Comments: 49
Kudos: 126
Collections: Lock Down Fest





	1. Alexa, Play Despacito

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MusicPlotter](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MusicPlotter/gifts).



> Merlin and Arthur are back in a series of sequels that, unsurprisingly, nobody asked for. Aaand, more unsurprisingly, everybody is getting anyways! *Finger Guns*
> 
> This can be read absolutely on its own, without context. If you would like context, all you need to know is that they've recently moved cross country together for Arthur's new job.
> 
> I'm gifting this to [MusicPlotter](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MusicPlotter/pseuds/MusicPlotter), who is wonderful and who brings me much encouragement on both Ao3 and Tumblr!! I need you to know that both your comment on "Merlin Versus IKEA" and the ask you sent me couldn't have come at a better time! I was having a terrible weekend and a rough week following, so I haven't replied to it yet because I've been saving it and reading it whenever I'm having a hard moment. I hope that you enjoy this installment of my new mini-series and that you continue to bear with me when I'm not awesome at replying. I love seeing you in my notifications and I hope you're having a lovely day, Jen!!

"So, how is this going to go down?"

Arthur turns from where he's standing barefoot at the stove and eyes Merlin with suspicion. There's truly no telling where this is going. When he doesn't respond, Merlin continues. 

"Do you think _I'll_ kill _you_ , or _you'll_ kill _me_?"

They've been quarantined for less than a week now, the government having _encouraged_ a self-quarantine to minimize the spread of the pandemic sweeping the world. Arthur doesn't react, but when he turns back towards the meat he's browning, he says, "I'll probably kill you."

"Bold of you to assume you're smart enough to pull that off. I was just being generous in my question." 

"Merlin, you love it when I cook. If I wanted to kill you, it'd be easy." He reaches tall for a spice in the cabinet above their stove.

Merlin looks horrified. "You would poison me?"

"No," Arthur says, grinning down, sinister, at the meal he's currently making for the two of them. "I'd pour in a bunch of laxatives and then kill you when you were most vulnerable- On the toilet."

If possible, Merlin looks even more horrified. "Who damaged you as a child?" 

Arthur laughs. "Alright then, fine. How would _you_ kill me?"

"Easy," Merlin says, cocky, going for an apple in the bowl on the counter. "I'd strap you down and-"

The screened Amazon Echo they have sitting on their kitchen counter whirls. When Arthur gives the command to answer, Morgana's face immediately appears, and he groans dramatically. "Alexa, you're supposed to warn me when it's my sister and not Leon." 

_"I'm sorry, I didn't catch that,"_ sounds off the device in the living room. Merlin snorts, and Arthur rolls his eyes. 

"What can I say? I'm loved by all." Morgana's voice is all too amused. Merlin pushes the device closer to the wall and clambers up onto the island, sitting cross-legged in front of the device but close enough to Arthur that the camera captures both of them. Arthur elbows Merlin with a grunted, _"Merlin, get off the counter."_ Merlin rolls with being pushed, they both know he's not going to budge. 

"Hey Morgana," he says instead. "How's quarantine?"

"Well, we haven't killed each other yet." 

Merlin laughs. "We were just-! How do you think you would do it, Mor? If you had to kill Leon." 

Morgana huffs as if offended at the assumption she'd even need to think about it. "I'd slip something in his food and wait until he was chained to the toilet for an afternoon." 

Again Merlin looks horrified, glancing over at Arthur, whose expression is entirely too smug, and then back at his friend. 

"Who damaged _both_ of you?" 

"Uther," they say in unison. 

"Don't know why I asked," Merlin mutters. Arthur curses, jumps back as grease spits from the pan. 

"Anyways, I'm calling because I needed to see a beardless face." She sounds so forlorn. 

_"Bite me- I'm not shaving it,"_ Leon's voice sounds from the background before he walks into his and Morgana's bedroom in nothing but sweatpants. 

"Arthur," she whines as if he can talk sense into his best friend. Merlin hides a grin behind his hand, and Arthur laughs, wiping his own hands on a towel and stepping closer to the Echo. 

"I don't know, Morgana. I kind of like it."

" _Thank_ _you_." Leon gives his fiance a pointed look as if to say _see, at least some people can appreciate my beard_. 

"In fact," Arthur continues, voice pitched in amusement, and ignoring Merlin's preemptive elbow to the side, "I think you should grow it out longer." 

"You know what, Arthur, I think that's a great-"

"We're done here, bye loser," Morgana interrupts, cutting the feed. 


	2. Tik Tok For The Mortal Soul

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin, once again, is an Agent of Chaos.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The never-ending pursuit to discover who will kill who first continues.

For all Merlin gives Arthur a hard time about his Tik Tok habits, Merlin has a problem with it himself. And as he lays on the couch, well, hangs off the couch upside down with his feet over the back, headphones in so Arthur can work peacefully on his laptop, he comes across a collection of videos with the same theme - _play this video with your backward-facing camera on your SO._

Merlin grins, throwing his feet to the side and drawing his knees tight against chest. Once comfortable, he watches a good twenty minutes' worth of videos that are men and women pranking their SO with an audio clip of another person calling them, something to the effect of - _hey babe, is your man/girl still around. You know I want to see you._

It's a struggle to keep his laughter down, but some of the reactions are so truly priceless that he keeps snorting, dropping his forehead to his knees to bury both his face and the laughter. Arthur keeps looking to him with a frown but never says anything, never asks. Until finally, Merlin gets to one where the boyfriend, in his race to get to his girlfriend's phone, trips over his own feet and falls towards the edge of the bed only to bounce off onto the floor. Merlin loses it laughing, stopping only when a couch pillow connects with his face, throwing him off balance until _he's_ the one tumbling to the floor. 

" _Mer_ lin, can't you see I'm working here?" 

"Sorry, sorry, you're right." Merlin pulls himself to his feet and heads for the kitchen, flicking Arthur lightly on the side of his head as he walks by. 

Merlin hops onto the counter, letting his feet dangle as his gaze flickers between his phone and boyfriend. He wonders how Arthur would react if he gave it a shot. If he has to guess, Arthur'll just shoot him a blank, unimpressed stare, not buying it for a second. 

YOLO.

Unsurprisingly, when the FaceTime audio comes in, Arthur doesn't flinch. When he "answers" it and that first line comes through - _hey babe_ \- Arthur's head shoots up, and he turns to Merlin with furrowed, confused brows. And then that glorious second line - _is your man still around, you know I want to see you_ \- Arthur is on his feet and headed towards him faster than Merlin can say, "Arthur, it's a joke!" 

Arthur makes a beeline for him, clambering over the whole ass sofa, socks skidding on the tile floor as he says, "Who the fuck is that?" 

Merlin is already laughing when Arthur grabs for the phone. He leans back on the bar, trying to keep his phone away, but Arthur climbs up onto the stool and twists a hand in Merlin's tee shirt to pull him closer. 

"Was that Gwaine? Merlin, I'm serious." He's practically on the counter now, straddling Merlin's hips as he snatches the phone up, flipping it over to see the screen only to be confronted with a camera trained on his laughing boyfriend. Merlin's practically rolling with laughter, wiping at the corners of his eyes. 

"I don't think I've ever seen you move that fast," the man gasps, trying to catch his breath. He's pushing at Arthur's thighs, trying to get him to move, but the blond isn't having it. He drops the phone on Merlin's chest and pokes at his side. 

"A bloody menace, you are! That wasn't funny." 

"It really, really was, though." Merlin's trying to catch his breath still, weakly pushing at Arthur's abdomen. "Now get off me, you oaf." 

Arthur doesn't. Instead, he drops forward, caging Merlin in with a hand on each side of the man's head. His expression is serious when he says, "You wanted my attention, now you've got it."

Merlin's eyebrows shoot to his hairline at Arthur's resounding smirk and slow roll of his hips. 

"Oh," Merlin says simply, hands tightening now on Arthur's hips. "Nevermind." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, Fam! Share with me your thoughts and, most importantly, your quarantine prompts for our dynamic duo!!


	3. Melancholy, For She Has Found You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It comes and goes in waves; we'll ride them together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise tomorrow's chapter (you heard me right, I said tomorrow's chapter) will have Merlin and Arthur flipping the script on each other's chaotic energy. If I may say so myself, it will be *chef's kiss*
> 
> CW: Brief, blatant allusions to the ongoing pandemic. Let's all be mindful of our mental health <3

_"Sing me a song, you're the piano man, sing me a song tonight-"_

Arthur wakes to the sound of Merlin's voice off in the distance… Off in the distance and very _off-key_. It's early enough that if they weren't under quarantine, Arthur would already be slipping into his shoes and heading to the door off for a run. But after two weeks spent trapped indoors, Arthur's fallen into the habit of sleeping in. Or at least until the sun is up. Which right now, it definitely is not. 

Walking with only one eye open, Arthur tugs the throw blanket off the floor and wraps it around his shoulders as he makes his way into the living room. The balcony door is cracked open, and Merlin is sitting outside curled up under a blanket in a hammock that is, admittedly, precariously set up between the balcony columns. 

"Are you trying to scare away the stray cats?" Arthur says, yawning wide and eyes slipping closed because it's _too early_ for this. Merlin laughs, reaches out just enough to entwine his fingers with Arthur's. 

"It's nice out," he says, foregoing the quip Arthur had expected.

"If you say so." Arthur yawns a second time, bringing their hands up and kissing the back of Merlin's before letting go. He wraps the blanket tighter around himself and settles into one of the soft, comfortable chairs nestled closest to his boyfriend. Merlin grins, shifts in a way that indicates he's making room for Arthur in the hammock, but Arthur can only snort in amusement. "No thanks, I don't feel like dying today." 

"Coward," Merlin says cheekily. Arthur playfully kicks at Merlin's arse through the hammock before propping his feet up in his lap. 

"Why are we singing today? Actually, better question- Why are we up this early?" 

Merlin turns his head and grins at Arthur. "Maybe if I sing loud enough, everyone will come out to their balcony and join in." 

"You've been watching too many videos out of Italy and Spain." 

"They're so wholesome, Arthur! Why not here as well?"

Arthur snorts. "Because we're British." 

"No excuses," Merlin huffs. "As soon as everything settles down, we're moving to Italy. No! Spain- No wait, Italy!" 

Arthur laughs, knowing precisely the war Merlin is playing out in his head. "Spain, Merlin. Spanish men." 

"But Italy has such a rich history!"

"And Spain doesn't?" Arthur teases. 

"I can't talk to you when you're like this." 

"What, adorable? Sexy? Funny? _Correct_? Take your pick." In turn, Merlin just rolls his eyes. 

"None of the above?" Even while saying it, Merlin tries to climb out of the hammock, and, once he does, he pulls at Arthur's arms until they're outstretched enough that he can crawl somewhat awkwardly onto the man's lap. No complaints from Arthur, he just smiles and wraps Merlin into his warm little cocoon. They sit like this for a while; Merlin's head resting on Arthur's chest as they watch the sunrise together. 

Arthur begins humming the song he'd woken up to, and Merlin yawns, eyes slipping shut. 

"You never told me why you were awake," Arthur says after another few minutes. Met only with silence, Arthur wraps his arms tighter around Merlin, pleased when the man sinks deeper into the embrace. And when Merlin finally does respond, his voice is quiet. It's as if speaking too loudly might draw the universe's attention to something he doesn't want attention drawn to. 

"I'm worried about my Mum. And Gaius. They're older, Arthur. At more of a risk." Arthur buries his nose in Merlin's dark curls, wishing with all his heart that he could pour through osmosis all of the love and care he possesses into his boyfriend. Wishes he could speak into existence the magic words that will bring Merlin comfort. But that's just the thing, isn't it? Sometimes words aren't the answer; sometimes, what we really need is the warm embrace of a loved one with a listening ear.

"I know, Merlin. I know." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for traveling with me on this journey! And as I said, tomorrow's chapter will involves rule breaking where you least expect it and bubbles where they shouldn't be! 
> 
> Hit me up on Tumblr at [Coconutknightshade](https://coconutknightshade.tumblr.com/)!!
> 
> Also, while we're here, I want to provide a bit of information about the [24/7 Crisis Text Line](https://www.crisistextline.org/). Reaching out to this helpline is completely free (outside of your standard texting fees) and connects you to a trained volunteer/crisis counselor. It's very easy, and aims to be a stress free experience. If it helps, what's going to happen is - After your initial text, there will be a few automated messages before you're connected with a Crisis Counselor. This may take a few minutes, but you will be connected. 
> 
> The [Crisis Text Line](https://www.crisistextline.org/) isn't limited to any specific subject, and is prepared to assist with issues ranging from bullying to depression to the current pandemic. If you aren't comfortable texting, their site also provides additional resources and helpful information pertaining to several issues. 
> 
> USA & Canada: Text HOME to 741741  
> UK: Text HOME to 85258  
> Ireland: Text HOME to 086 1800 280


	4. Gertrude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur doesn't always think things through, but Merlin loves him anyway.

Merlin is working diligently when he hears a crash from somewhere in the apartment, followed by a string of swears. It pulls his attention from his work, and he gently sets the digital art pad on the desk, spinning in his chair to face the door, head tilted to catch more. 

_"No, wait! Hold still."_ It's a hushed whisper, but not quite hushed enough. It is, however, hushed enough that Merlin sighs and pulls himself to his feet. When he ducks his head out the door to glance down the short hallway, he doesn't see anything. Not immediately. 

But then, a dog - _a dog_ \- comes flying from the bathroom, skids down the hall into the kitchen area. And Arthur, _damn him_ , comes flying out after it. All hushed, _no no, please don't, you're going to get us in trouble_. 

Merlin can only close his eyes and take a deep breath. In the background, he can hear the dog bounding through the living area. Merlin steps into the hall with a heavy sigh. When he reaches the mouth of the hallway, he crosses his arms and leans against the wall, watching the mayhem that Arthur absolutely failing to contain. 

The dog is relatively large- A golden retriever, if Merlin has to guess. However, it's hard to tell, as the dog is currently _soaking wet_ and covered in suds _._ Hence, the dog's mad dash from the bathroom where Merlin can hear the water still running. 

It's chaos. And just when Arthur is about to catch the dog, who is now barking at him, butt in the air and swooshing playfully, he spots Merlin. He snaps up straight, and his whole body freezes, eyes wide very reminiscent of a child caught red-handed. 

Merlin quirks an eyebrow. 

"I can explain?" Arthur drags out slowly. The dog, still bouncing around the room, finally coming to a skidding stop, and close enough to Merlin that, when he full-body shakes, the water and soap spray Merlin's calves. His gaze never leaves Arthur's.

"Isn't this some bullshit _I_ would pull?" 

"Definitely," Arthur concedes. 

"How long did you think you could hide a 4 stone dog from me?"

"I was going to tell you!"

"Before or after it destroyed our furniture?"

"It didn't destroy our furniture, _Mer_ lin." As he says it, the dog takes a running start and bounds over the back of the sofa, once again shaking full body. Arthur doesn't break eye contact, but he does wince.

"Arthur," Merlin says matter of fact. "Where'd the dog come from?" 

Finally, Arthur breaks eye contact, looking anywhere _but_ at Merlin _or_ the dog. "What dog?" 

"Arthur!" Merlin barks out. Ironic because, at his sharp and sudden raised voice, the dog also barks. 

"It was a stray!" Arthur's voice sounds pleading as if that changes everything.

"Arthur, we have a _balcony_. Not exactly easy access to the first floor. Far from it, actually!" In fact, they're on the fifth floor of a lovely apartment structure. 

"Merlin, it's been wandering around for _days_ , and it was making me _sad."_

"You know what makes _me_ sad, Arthur?" 

The dog has laid down on the sofa now, and Arthur's reasonably sure he knows where Merlin is going with this. The wet fabric of a beautiful sofa would upset anyone.

"Yes," he sighs. "Will you help me?"

"I want to say _no_ , but I know if I do, this will only get worse." 

\-------

"How can you say no to that face?!"

The dog is snuggled between the two of them in the bed. They'd finally gotten her fully bathed and dry. Merlin wasn't too busted up about the furniture but was still a little miffed at the whole situation. 

Merlin snorts. "We aren't keeping her." 

Arthur twists onto his side, cuddling the dog and pressing his cheek to the fur on her back. "Merlin, by the time we get out of here, you're never going to let this dog go." 

"By the time we get out of here? Sure as shit didn't stop you from running downstairs earlier." 

Arthur laughs awkwardly. "It was super quick! She came right to me. I swear, Merls, it was meant to be."

"Meant to be a huge pain in my ass." Merlin fails to suppress his grin. 

"I'm naming her Excalibur." 

Merlin barks a laugh. "No, you're not."

"I found her!" Arthur cries, indignant. 

"You start calling her that, and she'll run away. Maybe she ran away from her last owners. Maybe they called her some awful name. Like Gertrude." 

"Really, Merlin? You're comparing Excalibur to Gertrude?" 

Merlin looks over at him with a grin.

"And what would _you_ name her." At Arthur's question, Merlin turns on his side, props his head up on a hand, and pets the dog's head. She doesn't shift, but her tail starts thumping wildly against the bed. 

"Aithusa," he says, sounding very confident in his response. Arthur, however, laughs outright. 

"Seriously, Merlin? How is that better than Excalibur."

"Uh, it's Greek. It has a _history_."

"So does Excalibur!"

"Aithusa is an _actual_ historical figure!" 

"You're impossible." 

Merlin beams at him, knowing Arthur's words are really a concession. "Look at her, Arthur. How can you say no to Aithusa? She's perfect." 

Arthur flicks Merlin on the forehead, rolling his eyes when the man only laughs. 

_"No."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Choose your own adventure: Who wins the Battle of Names?? Vote now on your phones! 
> 
> Want to see our boys tackle something specific? Drop it into the suggestion box below!

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, this is your Captain speaking- Please drop a kudo and/or comment if you enjoyed your flight!! Also, if you have a "quarantine prompt" for our chaotic duo, drop it below and I may be able to work a chapter in!  
> Also! Follow me on [Coconutknightshade](https://coconutknightshade.tumblr.com/) for a blend of Merlin & MCU content! 
> 
> AND !!!! Follow Jen @ [MusicPlotter](https://musicplotter.tumblr.com/)!!!!
> 
> \--
> 
> The title of this series is inspired by [The Gay and Wondrous Life of Caleb Gallo](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5c5YuuMWXzg)


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